You lean slightly as the highway bends in a gradual curve. The rolling fields and trees swing too, as if in deference. Then the lane straightens up again, and the sense of everything on both sides going swiftly by is restored. You surge and ebb in pace, and ride on and on. Now and then, you pass huddles of houses, shops, fuel stations, eateries and itinerant sellers. People, dogs, cattle and cats are swept away in the corners of your eyes. What are these places and structures, and who are these creatures that keep disappearing in your peripheral vision? You will never know, will you? You are on the highway. Those named diversions, with their faded signs pointing to some branch roads or small lanes veering away, are not for you. You are on the straight line and dead on course. You are in control, heading like an arrow down the main line. No thought in your mind’s vision, but those white marks in the centre. You are spot on, and there’s no stopping you. You are in control. 

But you are wrong like hell! It’s the bloody highway!  It controls you all the way. It locks you inside, then dominates you in road signs. But it leads nowhere. Just goes on and on. If it does go anywhere, it is just to feed you to another highway. It’s a kind of black and white ribbon that unravels endlessly, and takes you along. You know, like the magic man who keeps drawing a never-ending streamer out of his mouth that keeps piling on the floor. Everybody watches with their mouths open, waiting for that tip to finally emerge from the trickster’s mouth. That’s what you are, too!  An open-mouthed zombie who doesn’t know where his journey ends. But you keep going all the same. On a highway that is driving you through endless days and nights. How did you get hooked on this endless ride? Replaced your mind with a four-wheeled drive? Sat it on grooved tyres that rolled over and over again in unending motion, never letting you rest.

That’s what you did with your life, too. Went to settings and chose the money trail from a drop box. Then clicked save. And soon the bad money drove out the good, didn’t it? Money was the relentless road ahead. No diversions, no distractions. Not family, not love, not friendship, not happiness, not greatness, gave you the dreams that only wealth could give. With money, you have control, but money has no control. It’s a runaway horse you have to ride, but cannot stop. You go for it, never mind the muck, the hate, the toil and the tears. Never mind where it comes from. It’s your unreachable destination on a road where you ride non-stop. A single one-way thought that composes the sum of your being, and takes you along. The relentless, never-ending highway. You and the highway are welded together, a whole that moves as one. Nothing can stop you, nothing must come in your way.

That’s the reason you didn’t see the girl. That’s why you didn’t see how small she was. She wore a short, soiled frock, all buttons missing behind. Dishevelled hair and thin shoulder blades protruding.  Barefoot with white metal nupurs. You couldn’t have seen all this, for you were way too far behind when she came out. And way too fast when you came upon her. Had she run for something that had rolled away from her onto the road?  Or it was a fallen thing she had seen on the road, she wanted to pick up and see what it was. And suddenly she was there!  You saw her in a blaze of stark light and brushed her. In that blinding, dizzying sequence, you felt that sighing touch as you trod hard and wrenched the wheel. Your tyres were seared by the pitiless macadam that forgives no mistake. Then your feet were off the brakes as you skidded, righted and went back to dead straight.  You were speeding away in moments that fled from one to the next. But the rear-view mirror rammed the image into your mind. Showed you that blurred tumbling bundle collapsing in a heap, and then nothing but the darkness of the road. 

You were back to rock steady, but not your mind. No thought there, just an insistent cry. Don’t stop! Don’t stop! Don’t stop!  You are on the highway, remember?  There’s no stopping here. Just go on. On and on! Hard upon these hammers came dread thoughts. You are no longer safe. Somewhere down the freeway, not too far away, there would be a barricade put up. Danger loomed ahead like a row of red lights you would have to jump. How long would it take for them to get one of them to confront you, obstruct you and grind you to a stop? Then you would be led away, and that would be the end of your days on the money-paved highway. The end of your dreams you have raced with all your life. All flashes of mind converged, coalesced to a single drumming desire. A pulsing artery coursed through your body and became one with your mind. Escape! Any escape. Get out of this. How? The highway had become a runway from which you couldn’t take off. A dead-end with no way to back out. You had to get away. To a haven, where no roads led to you! 

It was no coincidence you saw the little side road coming up fast. Escape. You swung off, jettisoning speed like a storm-foundered boat throwing out sailing gear. The small wooden signboard bore a nameless name. Now it was clipped, uprooted, splintered. The long, low car bounced and dipped over the ridge separating asphalt from earth. It rolled writhing down the dusty lane. You let it roll, shuddering over stones and flint, your feet splayed over the pedals. Your seat belt was off; you had slackened and sagged. The car staggered over a jagged road that descended in bumps to a village. You must have rolled a few hundred yards before your feet found brakes. You wrested the door open and went down spread-eagled, cheek on grass. You were done, bust to enervation. Your brain had signed off, downed shutters.

How long did you lie in the dust, do you remember? Did you pass out? No, you didn’t.  But you probably lay in a stupor. In a stupor, you are aware, still vaguely aware. You did sense a gradual lightening of the skies, and that began to revive your senses. You began to notice the dim gather of huts, thatched with straw. With roofs that bent straw eaves low over the doors, and mud-paved verandahs and porches. No candles, no lamps or lanterns, no flickering shadows. Here and there were faint shapes of sheds, shelters and small shops standing on wooden legs. Motionless trees and bushes clad in silent grey. Everything is painted into the landscape in dark and ashy colours. No wind, no whispering leaves. Everything was still and vague in the faint light. Deserted, not a soul to be seen, no dogs. It was a photo moment for your frozen mind, locked by the pause button. And how you wished you could hold on to that frame! The moment passed, and in the next passing moments, you saw it. Her.

One of the huts had crept to the foreground, and a wicker door opened up a dark hole.  Out of that blackness, she came out and sat down on the doorstep. It was her. The same smudged frock, awry hair and bare feet. One side of her face was covered in ichor now frozen to tiny stalactites, but the rest of her was clean. She raised her eyes and looked at you. It was that look that frightened you to motion. You lurched into the car. Ignition roared to action. The car rocketed on the road, wheels struggling as you went headlong ahead. Earth dust swirled up in grey smoke in the wan light. Then you were really off, bursting down that dawning street. Your tortured wheels were straining to run amok. The car juddered and careened in a manic spree. Splintering, throwing, crushing and breaking in its frenzied rush. Flower pots, buckets, baskets, utensils, bundles of wood, idols, charpoys, chairs, and tables were tossed, mangled, tangled and scattered. Bushes, saplings and hedges felt the uncontrolled rage of the juggernaut, as it trampled them in drunken destruction. The earthy track ran like a fugitive ahead, bending, turning and veering. You followed as if you were being dragged along, flung this way and that. The huts silently watched your frenetic pitch and the mayhem of its aftermath. Trees stood in your way, then made way as you steered desperately away. Sideswiping wicker and bamboo fences and toppling them to small rows of crops beyond. But no one came out to see, and none seemed to hear the thunder of the engine and the din of destruction in your wake.

Then, abruptly, the road straightened out. But even as you sighed in relief, a small stab of fear started to climb from the base of your spine up towards your neck. Its growing coldness settled around your neck, as you found yourself slowing and stopping. At the same place from where you had started your precipitate flight. On the front step of that hut, looking straight at you, sat the small girl. Her forehead caked dark red in the growing paleness of dawn. You came to life, rearing back like touching a live wire. Then everything in you moved involuntarily. The car lunged ahead and started to rush towards the highway, startled into violent motion by your terror. But in the mirror, you saw the girl come into the street and begin to run after you. Her shaggy hair had fallen over her face, and her thin legs moved like pistons. In one hand, a straw rag doll lolled, limbs flying berserk in the air.

You went up the slope with shrieking engine, jumped the ridge and thudded onto the tarred mouth of the diversion. The brake blocks gripped hard as the car swung, then swivelled to face the smooth black highway. You eased into the highway, all calm restored. You were home again. Everything was in its own place, had waited for your return. The freeway was greeting her prodigal son.  It was spread out and ran ahead smoothly, till it was hidden in the haze of distance. It lay there before your steady eyes in its endless might. Your faithful friend who ran you and would never let you down. Let you be the master of the road again. You were in control, and nothing could stop you now. 

Wrong like hell again! When you glanced at the rear-view mirror, she was still there. Running behind and keeping up. Now and then she fell in a heap, then got up and ran again. Didn’t matter how much you surged, she was always there running and falling, and running again. The cold fear that had begun to recede turned back. It took a firm hold and started to numb your shoulders. Fear slunk into your head and settled in the needle on the speedometer. Your body went into auto-drive, machine driving your mind. Her legs worked like thin white pistons, and the next time she fell, you couldn’t take it any longer. You closed your eyes.

When you opened your eyes again, all indicators on the dashboard had turned red! The road in front was drenched in gleaming dark red, and your headlights threw powerful beams of bloody light. The girl fell again, and this time you slammed the brake pedal. The car was jarred. It skidded, whiplashed to a twitching stop.  All sounds were cut off midway. You had the door open in a flash and pelted towards the girl, all huddled and prone. As you gathered her in your arms, she wrapped her arms around your neck. You carried her gently back to the car, and pushing the driver’s seat back, you slid in and sat her on your lap. But even as you turned and reached for the flask of water you kept in the back seat, the girl began to dwindle in size. She shrank and diminished. Now she was only a doll, a rag doll nestling in the crook of your arm. A small streak of blood ran down her cheek, but her beady eyes stared trustingly at you. That was when you broke. Your stinging eyes closed in a prayer that forgot all words. In a surrender that yielded all thought. 

You opened your eyes. What was this? The highway was gone! The road had opened to myriad lanes parted both ways, leaving a wide swathe of green earth right ahead. At the far end, you saw the wide arc of a distant horizon, unbroken by trees and hills, or human erections. A red sun was just emerging, lighting up the landscape in mellow brightness. Numberless people walked inside that vast wideness, holding hands, singing and laughing. Small girls played hopscotch here and there. Little boys wrestled each other to the ground.  Squirming babies held tightly, screwed their eyes against the growing light. Dogs and cats frisked and got in the way. The redolent smells of street food came wafting through a gentle breeze. Bright balloons wavered uncertainly in the air, and vivid kites loitered in the skies. Nobody looked at you, at the forlorn car standing solitary in the mouth of the lanes.

A serene calmness came upon you, and its tranquillity wiped off the black shades in your mind. A pleasant warmth nestled in your neck. The rag doll had reclined snugly across your knees, with small rips in her small arms showing faded pale straw. Her eyes gazed at you in placid comfort. You drew her up to your chest and clasped your arms tightly around her as if you would never let go. And the tears that fell from your eyes washed the blood away from her cheeks.       

Behind you, the highway watched. It had finally brought you home. But it had nowhere to go. Nowhere to go…..